{"id":3431,"date":"2020-11-24T02:40:50","date_gmt":"2020-11-24T10:40:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bingeeatingtherapy.com\/?p=3431"},"modified":"2024-02-06T23:07:55","modified_gmt":"2024-02-07T07:07:55","slug":"how-to-not-binge-eat-on-thanksgiving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bingeeatingtherapy.com\/how-to-not-binge-eat-on-thanksgiving\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Not Binge Eat on Thanksgiving"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"NotA long, long time ago, in a lifetime that is so far from the one I\u2019m currently in, I had one of my first major, major forays into deeply disordered eating on Thanksgiving. It was 1986, I was twelve years old (12 YEARS OLD!!!!) and we were having our Thanksgiving dinner at my Grandmother\u2019s boyfriend\u2019s daughter\u2019s house. Said boyfriend\u2019s daughter also had a daughter who was about the same age as I was, only she was a much better person than I was. I knew this because my grandmother kept insisting \u201cwhy can\u2019t you be more like Allison?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t realize it then, but there was no way I could be more like Allison. Allison had a mother and father who lived under the same roof, she lived in a house in the suburbs in Connecticut and money, cool clothes and lots of friends weren\u2019t an issue for her. And, not to mention, she was tall and thin. I lived in a tiny apartment alone with my mother in the Bronx, we didn\u2019t have money for Guess jeans and Swatches and being the total nerd girl that I was, I was more interested in books and my saxophone than boys and clothes. I was also painfully shy, so even if I wanted to make friends and have a cool TV life like Justine Bateman in Family Ties or Rickie Schroder in Silver Spoons.. it just wasn\u2019t in the cards for me. I was too different. I didn\u2019t have the look, I didn\u2019t have the house, I didn\u2019t have the family structure. No brothers or sisters, no two parent household, no house with a yard, no mother baking me cookies when I got home from school, just one totally stressed out Mom who came home after dark totally frazzled, angry and needing a break but not getting one.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, it was a huge set up for me. We\u2019d go to these people\u2019s house in the suburbs and I\u2019d feel so different. My mother would be annoyed, and my grandmother would be pinching me and whispering to me, \u201cwhy can\u2019t you be more like Allison?\u201d This particular year, when I was twelve, I remember everyone gushing about how tall and thin and beautiful Allison was. And I felt short and not thin and ugly. So I ate lots of yummy Thanksgiving food to help me feel better. Allison\u2019s mother could cook and cook and cook for days and make the most delicious meals. My mother didn\u2019t have the time to cook those kinds of meals\u2013 what we mostly ate at home was brown rice and squash and tofu. I remember that particular Thanksgiving my grandmother jabbing me when I was on my second piece of pie and whispering \u201cStop eating piggy\u2026 don\u2019t you want to be thin and beautiful like Allison?\u201d All of my shame came flooding into me. I couldn\u2019t win. I went up to the bathroom and I don\u2019t even know how at age 12 I knew how to do this, but I looked for laxatives in their medicine cabinet. I took a bunch of ex-lax right there in that Connecticut bathroom and that night, after we went home and my mother had gone to sleep, I dragged her bathroom scale into my room and stayed up all night with stomach pain and cramping and using the bathroom. And every time I went to the bathroom, I would note that I was down another notch on the scale. I did this until it was light out and the Star Spangled Banner was on television and then I went to sleep, feeling light, empty and proud of myself for all the great work I\u2019d done. (????)<\/span><\/p>\n

There were so many things that Thanksgiving that triggered my disordered eating episode. The food was inconsequential in a sense\u2026 it was just there to soothe me. There was my shame, my comparative thinking, my family, my sadness\/loneliness, my usual restrictive way of eating that was so different from what was being served.. Given this scenario, I was set up for a really bad night. I can think of a lot of cases where there are a million set ups for disordered eating on Thanksgiving, and it\u2019s not just because the food is there.<\/span><\/p>\n

In my first semester of graduate school, right before we left for Thanksgiving break, one of my professors asked who was headed home for the break. Most of us raised our hands. \u201cWell,\u201d he said, \u201cI don\u2019t care how much therapy you\u2019ve had, I don\u2019t care how much you meditate, I don\u2019t care how much healing you\u2019ve done, when you go home, you are going to be that same twelve-year old kid that you used to be. Same family of origin issues, same role in your family\u2026 so be prepared and expect it when it happens.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I want to support you in having a really fantastic Thanksgiving this year, one without disordered eating, without self-hatred, comparative thinking or severe loneliness. And so what if all of these difficult feelings come up? It\u2019s okay, let\u2019s see if we can create some strategies around not acting out in your eating disorder.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I think about family systems, I imagine a giant machine with gears that all work together to create one fluid movement. This is what happens in families, we all have an agreed upon role. If one person were to change, it would gum up the works and the machine would begin to move differently\u2026 not necessarily worse, just differently. And not everyone has agreed to change so we wind up just back in our old fixed gear position, no matter how many changes we\u2019ve made.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you are back at your childhood home, or with people you knew from way back or even around food that is old and familiar, you will likely notice some phantom urges.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s weird. Out of nowhere, you might notice old thought patterns just popping into your head, like, \u201cwhen everyone goes to sleep, I will turn the television on and sit by myself and binge and purge\u2026\u201d but these aren\u2019t necessarily attached to desire\u2026 they are just sort of old passing phantom thoughts and feelings because you\u2019re being reminded of a scenario that triggered disordered eating back when it all started for you. It might just be old thought energies popping into your mind triggered by being in an old situation with the same old smells and sights and people and feelings. The phenomena of phantom limbs is when someone feels pain in a limb that has been amputated. This was the same thing- feeling a pain that had no attachments or groundings. In this time of travel and family, you might find yourself having lots of old urges coming up again and again. It\u2019s okay. This is to be expected. Ask yourself, \u201cis this a present day urge or is this old material presenting itself.\u201d It\u2019s like this, let\u2019s say you went home and found your seventh grade diary and started reading through it. You come to the part about your big crush\u2013 the boy who sat next to you in sixth period. You read about how he ignored you or never noticed you and how you felt so sad and rejected and how more than anything you just wanted him to notice you. When you read that, you might notice some old feelings of pain and longing come up, but you wouldn\u2019t feel the actually desire to be with this boy. That\u2019s because the feeling no longer exists, it\u2019s just old material. When you go home, you are confronted by a lot of old material that triggers old feelings. Remind yourself, \u201cthis feels really real, but it\u2019s old, it\u2019s no longer a valid truth, this isn\u2019t relevant to today\u2019s circumstances\u2026\u201d You might go home and feel like a twelve year old, but you won\u2019t actually be a twelve year old. You are an intact adult who can handle the difficult emotions, even if they are difficult.<\/span><\/p>\n

Remember to breath and tell yourself that just because the old energy is coming back, you can still bring in the new energy just by breathing it in and remembering that it is there for you. Put your hand on your heart and be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that being human is so, so very messy and human emotions are not rational or linear and that everyone has them, everyone feels completely alone and sad and messy at some point. Tell yourself that i\u2019s okay and that you are perfect and whole and complete exactly as you are in this moment, even if you\u2019re messy, even if things feel out of control, it\u2019s okay\u2026 being human is never easy for anyone (I bet even for Allison wherever she is)\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

The Thanksgiving meal day itself is something that is always difficult, so I\u2019ve compiled a list of things to help you stay in your recovery during that time:<\/span><\/p>\n

How To Not Binge Eat on Thanksgiving:<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

1.\u00a0Have an intention around not bingeing, but not around food<\/strong><\/u>. Let yourself eat whatever you want, but tell yourself that you\u2019re not planning on bingeing on it. This is because if you tell yourself no sweets, but then you have one bite of pecan pie, there\u2019s a good chance that you\u2019ll binge on it and not stop bingeing. Know that you can have potatoes, stuffing, pumpkin pie, all of it! Anytime of year, or even the next day for lunch. This is not all or nothing and it doesn\u2019t have to be a binge, it can be a meal where you eat what you want until you feel satisfied.<\/span><\/p>\n

2.\u00a0DO NOT SET UP, CLEAN UP OR COOK BY YOURSELF!<\/strong><\/u>\u00a0Being alone is a huge set up for sneak eating or eating compulsively. Make sure that you either have someone to do this for you or that you at least have help or even someone in the kitchen with you so that you\u2019re not alone. Let yourself get support too, let the person who is with you know that you\u2019re trying to avoid sneak eating or disordered behaviors around food so you\u2019d feel better if they were with you.<\/span><\/p>\n

3.\u00a0Tell your family about your Eating Disorder recovery.<\/strong><\/u>\u00a0I always encourage my clients to let their family know how their recovery has been going when they go home for holidays. It both gives them accountability as well as love and support from the family.<\/span><\/p>\n

4.\u00a0DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE-\u00a0<\/strong><\/u>As women, we have been absolutely conditioned to look at other women and then see what they have or what they look like that we do not have or we do not look like. We then focus on what we are not instead of what we are. When we do that, we feel awful. And we hate ourselves and when we hate ourselves, we abuse ourselves (with food, alcohol, restricting, intense exercise, mean self-talk, etc). Instead of focusing on what other people are and what you are not, focus on what makes you great, what makes you beautiful and what makes you you. Focusing on what you believe you lack, on your \u201cperceived\u201d deficits will always, 100% of the time, make you feel like crap. And that\u2019s what we have been taught to do, look at other people and figure out what they have that we don\u2019t and what they are that we are not and then feel terrible. It\u2019s an awful cycle and it\u2019s a non-winning cycle because you will never be anyone other than yourself. So be with that, be with that amazing person who is you. Make a self gratitude list \u2013 list things that you are thankful for about yourself. This will help you both love yourself but also love others around you without feeling jealous or resentful. It will also create space between you and people who might be critical of you (grandma, Mom, etc\u2026). Others criticism, especially those who you are closest to are reflections of their own fears about themselves and they are projecting them onto you.<\/span><\/p>\n

4.\u00a0Get support to manage your social anxiety.<\/strong><\/u>\u00a0One of the more challenging parts of these holiday dinners is being around lots and lots of people and just feeling overwhelmed. One of your instincts might be to dissociate this is where you sort of disconnect from your body so you don\u2019t have to deal with your anxiety and all the people around you. At this point you might find yourself just eating and eating and eating to deal with your discomfort. A good thing to do is to ground yourself and come back to your body. Feel your feet on the floor, look around, see who you see and come back to your body. When you leave your body\u2013 you have no one there to to be present and let you know whether you actually want to eat or if you\u2019re just using a coping mechanism. Find yourself physically and emotionally, remind yourself that you might be feeling overwhelmed and shy and that\u2019s okay, (no shame in being who you are) do what you need to comfort yourself. Take a walk, go to the bathroom and breath or drink some water just to feel present again. Find a safe person to anchor you and to help you feel comfortable. If<\/span><\/p>\n

5. If you don\u2019t have anyone supportive at the Thanksgiving meal,<\/span>\u00a0join our supportive and secret facebook group to checkin with people who are both struggling and able to give support.<\/a>\u00a0a friend who might be going through recovery with you or someone you feel safe with. If you cannot do that, have a support person who you can talk to on the phone intermittently throughout the meal.<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Make sure that you\u00a0eat a good solid breakfast before you go to Thanksgiving dinner<\/u><\/strong>. Don\u2019t show up hungry. If you do, your hunger might take over and squelch your intention. Our culture is so entrenched in diet culture that the idea of not eating, doing a \u201cturkey trot\u201d and then bingeing at Thanksgiving dinner has been normalized. But it\u2019s not normal and it\u2019s not good for people with disordered eating as it costs much more than it\u2019s worth. Try to make it into a somewhat normal eating day for you so that you don\u2019t have to take a step back in your recovery.<\/span><\/p>\n

7. Eat whatever you want, no food is bad, but do\u00a0try to incorporate a solid nutrient dense meal<\/strong><\/u>, with protein, vegetables and a starch. If you just snack or graze on a bunch of different foods, you will inevitably wind up feeling unsatisfied, as though you\u2019ve not really had a meal. This could lead to feeling too full and trigger a binge. I really like the one plate theory for big buffets and dinner. Decide that you are going to just have one plateful of food and choose whatever it is that you want to eat on that plate. But when that plate is done, you\u2019re done. That should take the stress away from the after effects of eating and the bingeing that happens when you are uncomfortable and unsure after you eat your meal.<\/span><\/p>\n

8.\u00a0Take breaks.\u00a0<\/strong><\/u>Go into the bathroom and breathe deeply while you\u2019re eating. This will help you digest your meal and to stay calm. Suit up for winter and get outside into the cool air for a walk around the neighborhood. Change your environment a bit so you don\u2019t get lost in it or in your reaction to it. Let yourself get away from the stress of the food and the stress of family that sometimes exists. If it\u2019s too cold or not realistic for you to leave, take your cell phone into another room and say you need to make an important call and talk to your support person.<\/span><\/p>\n

9.\u00a0Talk to people in rooms away from food.<\/strong><\/u>\u00a0You don\u2019t have to sit on a couch in front of a giant platter of cheese and crackers and nuts and hors d\u2019\u0153uvres talking to your aunt as it might take away from your conversation. Try to concentrate on conversations with people and really engage, really make connections with people who you\u2019ve not spent time talking to in a while.<\/span><\/p>\n

10.\u00a0Eat slowly and mindfully<\/strong><\/u>. It\u2019s not a race to the end. You can enjoy good food and good conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n

11.\u00a0Don\u2019t compulsively overexercise in anticipation of \u201ceating extra calories.<\/u><\/strong>\u201d It will leave you very tired and hungry, again, unable to empower yourself to hold your intention.<\/span><\/p>\n

12.\u00a0Bring your journal with you<\/strong><\/u>\u00a0so that you can sit and relax and process your feelings during the meal rather in case you are feeling like you need to stuff down your feelings with food.<\/span><\/p>\n

13. Listen to<\/span>\u00a0mediations\u00a0<\/a><\/strong>or relaxing music that puts you in a calm mood before you go.<\/span><\/p>\n

14.\u00a0Make a gratitude list<\/u><\/strong>\u00a0before you go. Think of 10 things that you are truly grateful for. Research shows that creating gratitude lists can decrease anxiety, increase positive relationships, improve physical and psychological health, increase empathy and compassion and increase self esteem.<\/span><\/p>\n

15.\u00a0Engage with the very young and the very old<\/strong><\/u>. If there are children there, spend time playing with them. If there are elders there, spend time talking to and getting to know them. Both things that will be enriching and get your mind off of food.<\/span><\/p>\n

16.\u00a0Mediate<\/strong><\/u>. Sit quietly in the bathroom for five minutes and take deep slow breaths into your belly. Inhale slowly to the count of five and exhale slowly to the count of five. This will calm your body and allow you to let go of any stress or anxiety that your body is holding on to.<\/span><\/p>\n

17. Remember that if it seems like it might be too hard this year,\u00a0you don\u2019t have to go.<\/u><\/strong>\u00a0<\/em>It\u2019s true, you might let some people down. But you can always explain to them that it\u2019s important for you to take care of yourself in this way this year. If you don\u2019t think that they\u2019d be amenable to this, or you think that they will accuse you of being self centered or self absorbed, don\u2019t offer any explanation that might leave you vulnerable to being shamed or insulted. Creating boundaries with people is important. You don\u2019t have to worry about letting people down wben you need to do things that preserve your SELF. Your sanity is the most important thing to keep you safe and at peace.<\/span><\/p>\n

18.\u00a0Create loving boundaries for yourself<\/strong><\/u>. Think of your inner child and think about how you would help your child if they wanted to eat all the pie and all the mashed potatoes. You would be kind and understanding but explain to them that you didn\u2019t want them to get a bellyache! So of course they are allowed to eat pie and mashed potatoes, but in moderate amounts. A good rule of thumb, keep portion sizes for your Thanksgiving treats to about the size of the palm of your hand. Don\u2019t try to restrict desert because that can be a setup for a binge. Instead, tell yourself that you can sample 2-4 different deserts but take smaller pieces, so that you get to eat some of everything! Whatever works to put on one desert plate. It\u2019s so important that you let yourself have what you want so that you don\u2019t leave feeling deprived and wanting to binge later.<\/span><\/p>\n

19.\u00a0Consider refraining from taking home leftovers<\/strong><\/u>\u00a0if you feel they will trigger a binge. That doesn\u2019t mean not to take home leftovers, but ask yourself, will I be safe with this food or not so much? You know yourself best.<\/span><\/p>\n

20.\u00a0Plan for what you will do for the rest of the evening<\/strong><\/u>\u2013 feeling full can trigger a binge in many people \u2013 so plan to do something relaxing (conversation with good friend, watching a good movie on Netflix, etc.) when you get home that night and be done eating.<\/span><\/p>\n

21. Listen to last year\u2019s<\/span>\u00a0Recovery Warriors podcast\u00a0<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0where Jessica talks to me about Thanksgiving!<\/span><\/p>\n

22. Be kind and gentle with yourself. In most people with BED, being too full triggers a binge. Remind yourself that getting too full on Thanksgiving is what most of America goes through and not to beat yourself up and that it doesn\u2019t have to trigger a binge.<\/span><\/p>\n

23. And what if you do all these things and you still wind up bingeing? Forgive yourself. It\u2019s okay. The last thing I want for you is to continue this binge for the rest of the week and into December. See<\/span>\u00a0How To Recover from a Binge<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But I\u2019m all alone on Thanksgiving- what should I do?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Being alone on Thanksgiving is isolating, lonely and challenging. But there are many things that you can do to counter that.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Volunteer to serve meals at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Get away- get out of the house and travel and spend the day doing something you love, hiking, or exploring.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Go out and see a movie marathon<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Get online and see if there are any<\/span>\u00a0meet-ups<\/a>\u00a0for people alone on Thanksgiving<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Spend the day doing things that feel organizing and energizing, cleaning and organizing your house, giving yourself a facial or hot oil treatment, relaxing and catching up on your favorite movies or podcasts.<\/span><\/p>\n

Are you traveling for Thanksgiving? Please read<\/span>\u00a0HOW TO AVOID BINGEING AT THE AIRPORT<\/a><\/p>\n

Thanksgiving the full out binge holiday \u2013 it brings with it family drama, the pain of the pandemic and those who can\u2019t be together, and then of course there is the food, the mashed potatoes and<\/span>\u00a0phantom urges,<\/span><\/a>\u00a0and around the corner is December.\u00a0December is the worst!\u00a0<\/em>There are constant parties, constant drinking, there are cookie swaps, latke feasts, gift baskets full of peppermint brownies sent to your home office! Baked goods and cookie swaps- friends and families delivering these items not to your office but STRAIGHT TO YOUR HOUSE\u2026 and there\u2019s no office party. You\u2019re the only one eating these things. Then there\u2019s that \u201cwell just screw it, I\u2019ll go on a juice fast starting on January 1st and then after 3 days I\u2019ll go Keto\u2026\u201d and then you binge your way through December feeling awful, sick to your stomach, uncontrollable, uncomfortable and holding on to the promise that 2021 is going to be better. (Godwilling) It\u2019s going to be your year and then by January 2nd- you\u2019re back on the cycle and you already feel as though you\u2019ve ruined the whole year!<\/span><\/p>\n

LET\u2019S NOT DO THAT THIS YEAR!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s have a peaceful, calm, easy and moderate Fall this year. I want to support you in being kind to your mind and body. No crazy diets, no intense binges. And if you slip up, I want reach out to help you stand up quickly and not slide down that slippery slope of end of the year madness.<\/span><\/p>\n

I invite you to join for LIFETIME ACCESS to the<\/span>\u00a05 week program<\/a>\u00a0so that you can get the support you need for the holidays.<\/u><\/span><\/p>\n

And, because of the craziness of 2020, I am offering discounts through the end of the year. You can either go and learn more about the program by going to<\/span>\u00a0recoverfrombingeeating.com<\/a>\u00a0or you can just sign up straight from this email. If we do another cohort, it will be in the Fall 2021. But the program is always offered as a self-guided program and there is always the support of the group. So sign up anytime. If you want the discount, be sure to sign up before the end of the year. And if you want extra support for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa and any other holiday I forgot, go ahead and sign up now!<\/span><\/p>\n

Choose your own discount according to what you can afford.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

COVID100 for $100 off<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

COVID200 for $200 off<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Discount codes are applied as a percentage and are applicable to payment plans as well.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

To purchase choose one of the options below \u2013 and be sure to apply the coupon codes if you need the discount.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what you get \u2013<\/span><\/p>\n