{"id":3249,"date":"2017-08-03T01:45:37","date_gmt":"2017-08-03T08:45:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bingeeatingtherapy.com\/?p=3249"},"modified":"2024-02-07T22:39:03","modified_gmt":"2024-02-08T06:39:03","slug":"my-best-friend-is-getting-gastric-bypass-surgery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bingeeatingtherapy.com\/my-best-friend-is-getting-gastric-bypass-surgery\/","title":{"rendered":"My Best Friend is Getting Gastric Bypass Surgery"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u200b<\/p>\n

\"GastricI have noticed a lot of talk in the Facebook groups about WLS (weight loss surgery). Some have had it, some regret it, some are considering it, and some are vehemently against it.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have been asked to weigh in on my feelings about WLS, so rather than answer you all individually, I thought it was important to tell you about one of my closest friends in the world\u2026\u00a0Eloise.<\/span><\/p>\n

Her real name is not Eloise, but in my head she could totally be an Ellie. She\u2019s really charismatic and vibrant and alive and confident. She has the\u00a0ebullience of an\u00a0Ellie.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, Ellie and I have been friends for close to 20 years. We got married in the same year, we had our first kids within mere weeks of each other\u2026 We are super tight. And as long as we\u2019ve been friends, we\u2019ve had open and frank conversations about what we have dealt with in terms of food issues, disordered eating issues and body image issues. \u00a0There are differences though. I of course went through deep deep recovery for my disordered eating and even became a therapist to help others deal with it. \u00a0As much as I did have\u00a0severe<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0food and body image issues, the body image issues seemed to reside mostly in my own head. Sure, I saw myself as unacceptable and my ED told me that I truly was unacceptable, and I strongly believed that the world found me unacceptable. But in recovery I came to understand that it was a cognitive distortion. A trick of ED. Ellie has the same issues, except her body image issues are not her own, they are society\u2019s problem. \u00a0So despite the fact that Ellie is a brilliant, hilarious, beautiful and super talented woman with lots of confidence, she still has to contend with society and the medical community\u2019s collective feelings about fat women.<\/span><\/p>\n

Back in May Ellie told me that she was considering having Gastric Bypass Surgery and wanted to know what I thought. \u00a0It\u2019s a hard question because my instinct is to say \u201cNO NOT EVER, DON\u2019T EVEN CONSIDER IT!\u201d Which is basically what I said. I told her that the long term studies on bariatric surgery weren\u2019t well documented, that the surgery is risky during, but also complications years later can be deadly, and that it was a very difficult road. I told her to first try an eating disorder program that was specifically geared for people who were considering bariatric surgery but might look into working through the specific issues first. And she said to me, \u201cdo you realize that I\u2019ve been in therapy with an Eating Disorder specialist for years? Do you realize that my therapist has read YOUR book in the process of researching her own? do you realize that you and I have been friends for close to 20 years and you\u2019re on the other side of recovery and I\u2019m not? Do you realize how frustrating that is?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I hadn\u2019t. I hadn\u2019t thought about how frustrating it might be for her to continue working on recovery and feel like she couldn\u2019t get any where.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut what about acceptance?\u201d I asked her, \u201cWhat about accepting your body size and just working on your health, your own self-care, your own inner-peace, your own self-love\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d she told me, \u201cI can\u2019t accept this body size. You know I used to think that people paid attention to me because I was pretty and now I realize that people pay attention to me because I\u2019m fat\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUmm\u2026\u201d I said to her, \u201cPeople pay attention to you because you\u2019re fucking awesome. You have more charisma in your pinky than most people have in a lifetime\u2026 when I\u2019m out with you, we\u2019re always surrounded by people and meeting new friends. That doesn\u2019t happen to me when I\u2019m not with you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t?\u201d she asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, \u201d I told her, \u00a0\u201cNot even a bit. You know how you meet new friends wherever you go? It\u2019s because you\u2019re cool and people want to be near YOU\u2026 I don\u2019t have that when I\u2019m not with you, when I\u2019m with you, people are literally clawing their way toward us to get close to you. You\u2019re just\u2026 really\u00a0likeable<\/em>. Inherently.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cREALLY?\u201d she asked me,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYup. Totally\u2026\u201d \u00a0I told her. \u201cYour spirit and your soul are much bigger than your body. And, you know, more significant of course.\u201d But even if this wasn\u2019t the truth, even if she was unpleasant (which she\u2019s nowhere close to), she would still be valuable and worthy as a human being.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s amazing the stories we can tell ourselves about ourselves. We have these mythologies, these \u201croadmaps\u201d about who we are and what other people think about who we are and what we look like that we then build our self-esteem around. Our super-ego can tell us anything to agree with the stories with have in our heads about ourselves. Ellie had at one point believed that people paid attention to her for the way she looked, she then believed that people paid attention to her for, well, the way she looked. People pay a lot of attention to her because she\u2019s\u00a0\u00a0fun, funny, the life of the party, compassionate, kind, calming to be around and loving. \u00a0When she took that in she realized that she might not be seeing the full picture.\u00a0We left it off by her saying that she would consider the acceptance piece and the<\/span>\u00a0Health at Every Size\u00a0<\/a>ideology.<\/span><\/p>\n

Last weekend we took the boys swimming together and she told me that she\u2019d decided to go forward with the surgery.\u00a0That she talked to a surgeon, an RD and several people who had gone through the surgery. I asked her what they said, she told me that they all said the same thing, that it didn\u2019t change their brain around food, just their ability to eat it, and it was a battle, a struggle every day, even for those 10 years or more out from it. So her idea is to schedule it for April and spend the next 8 months working on health and self-acceptance and finding other things to use as coping mechanisms and that maybe she will opt not to when the time comes, but that she likes having that option open to her.<\/span><\/p>\n

She told me that she was afraid to tell me because she thought I might not be supportive. Here\u2019s the thing. I believe this: Your body Your choice. And I also believe that when there are big decisions to be made, you have to get all the information and be well informed. You have to be informed of the risks, the long term side-effects, the possible outcomes either negative or positive, and told all of this in a neutral way as to not sway your opinion.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gastric Bypass surgery is not the easy way out. It\u2019s a hard-core surgery with side-effect that border on discomfort to death. For some people it can be a positive experience. It varies greatly. \u00a0My feeling is, if you are considering it, be as informed as possible, know all your options, all the possible side effects and make your choice based on real facts rather than promises of a better life or feeling pushed into it by friends or doctors. \u00a0Being fat doesn\u2019t make you inherently unhealthy (or unworthy) and fatness is not a sickness to be cured from. \u00a0If you do make the decision to do it, \u00a0find your support tribe, the friends and family who will be there for you without judgment or disdain. Your body, your choice. But make your choice from a very, very, very informed and well thought through space. Take months, if not years to make the decision. This is your life and your choice. \u00a0I do encourage you though to work with a therapist who specializes in EDs to help you change your brain so that you\u2019re not stuck after surgery without your coping mechanism and feeling alone and\u00a0feeling as though you need to turn to another sort of coping mechanism (such as pain pills or alcohol) which does happen as well. \u00a0Gastric Bypass surgery can only treat the weight, but it can\u2019t treat the underlying behavioral issues or the drives that create these behaviors. So working on coping mechanisms and behaviors is paramount as the surgery can often undo itself due to the disordered eating that was never addressed.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope that this post can explain to you more about my feelings about weight loss surgery. It\u2019s extremely complicated and there is not a black and white answer. No one should be shamed for their choices or their desires. No one should be shamed about anything related to their bodies. But of course everyone should be informed and educated.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u200b I have noticed a lot of talk in the Facebook groups about WLS (weight loss surgery). Some have had it, some regret it, some are considering it, and some are vehemently against it. I have been asked to weigh in on my feelings about WLS, so rather than answer you all individually, I thought […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3252,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nBinge Eating Therapy - Help for binge eating, bulimia, obsessive dieting and body image issues<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Last weekend we took the boys swimming together and she told me that she\u2019d decided to go forward with the surgery.\u00a0That she talked to a surgeon, an RD and several people who had gone through the surgery. 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