![\"20-steps-to-having-a-safehealthy-binge-free-thanksgiving\"](\"https:\/\/bingeeatingtherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/20-Steps-to-having-a-safehealthy-binge-free-Thanksgiving.png\")
In my first semester of graduate school, right before we left for Thanksgiving break, one of my professors asked who was headed home for the break. Most of us raised our hands. \u201cWell,\u201d he said, \u201cI don\u2019t care how much therapy you\u2019ve had, I don\u2019t care how much you meditate, I don\u2019t care how much healing you\u2019ve done, when you go home, you are going to be that same twelve-year old kid that you used to be. Same family of origin issues, same role in your family\u2026 so be prepared and expect it when it happens.\u201d Well. I think that was a little harsh, but there is some wisdom in it. When I think about family systems, I imagine a giant machine with gears that all work together to create one fluid movement. This is what happens in families, we all have an agreed upon role. If one person were to change, it would gum up the works and the machine would begin to move differently\u2026 not necessarily worse, just differently. And not everyone has agreed to change so we wind up just back in our old fixed gear position, no matter how many changes we\u2019ve made. Being back at my childhood home, I always notice\u00a0some phantom urges. It’s weird. Out of nowhere, I’ll notice very old thought patterns just popping into my head, like, \u201cwhen everyone goes to sleep, I will turn the television on and sit by myself and eat\u2026\u201d but these aren’t\u00a0overwhelming urges, nor are they\u00a0attached to desire.They are\u00a0just like passing old junk that go\u00a0through my mind because I am\u00a0back in the same physical place that I was when I acted out with food so many\u00a0years ago. It doesn’t\u00a0feel as though it is\u00a0anchored to anything and it does\u00a0not feel threatening or scary. It is\u00a0just old thought energies popping into my mind triggered by being in an old situation with the same old smells and sights and people and feelings.<\/span><\/p>\nThe phenomena of phantom limbs is when someone feels pain in a limb that has been amputated. This was the same thing- feeling a pain that had no attachments or groundings. In this time of travel and family, you might find yourself having lots of old urges coming up again and again. It\u2019s okay. This is to be expected. Ask yourself, \u201cis this a present day urge or is this old material presenting itself.\u201d It\u2019s like this, let\u2019s say you went home and found your seventh grade diary and started reading through it. You come to the part about your big crush\u2013 the boy who sat next to you in sixth period. You read about how he ignored you or never noticed you and how you felt so sad and rejected and how more than anything you just wanted him to notice you. When you read that, you might notice some old feelings of pain and longing come up, but you wouldn\u2019t feel the actually desire to be with this boy. That\u2019s because the feeling no longer exists, it\u2019s just old material. When you go home, you are confronted by a lot of old material that triggers old feelings. Remind yourself, \u201cthis feels really real, but it\u2019s old, it\u2019s no longer a valid truth, this isn\u2019t relevant to today\u2019s circumstances\u2026\u201d You might go home and feel like a twelve year old, but you won\u2019t actually be a twelve year old. You are an intact adult who can handle the difficult emotions, even if they are difficult. Remember to breath and tell yourself that just because the old energy is coming back, you can still bring in the new energy just by breathing it in and remembering that it is there for you.<\/span><\/p>\n The Thanksgiving meal day itself is something that is always difficult, so I’ve compiled a list of things to help you stay in your recovery\u00a0during that time:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n How to Get Through Thanksgiving Dinner without Bingeing<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n 1. Have an intention around not bingeing, but not around food. Let yourself eat whatever you want, but tell yourself that you’re not planning on bingeing on it. This is because if you tell yourself no sweets, but then you have one bite of pecan pie, there’s a good chance that you’ll binge on it and not stop bingeing. Know that you can have potatoes, stuffing, pumpkin pie, all of it! Anytime of year, or even the next day for lunch. This is not all or nothing and it doesn’t have to be a binge, it can be a meal where you eat what you want until you feel satisfied.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 2. Take breaks to breathe deeply while you’re eating. This will help you digest your meal and to stay calm.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 3. If you don\u2019t have anyone supportive at the Thanksgiving meal, see if you can bring a a support resource with you, a friend who might be going through recovery with you or someone you feel safe with. If you cannot do that, have a support person who you can talk to on the phone intermittently throughout the meal.<\/span><\/p>\n 4. Make sure that you eat a good solid breakfast before you go to Thanksgiving dinner. Don\u2019t show up hungry. If you do, your hunger might take over and squelch your intention.<\/span><\/p>\n 5. Eat what you want but also make sure that you let yourself have a solid meal, with protein, vegetables and a starch. If you just snack or graze on a bunch of different foods, you will inevitably wind up feeling unsatisfied, as though you\u2019ve not really had a meal. This could lead to feeling too full and trigger a binge. I really like the one plate theory for big buffets and dinner. Decide that you are going to just have one plateful of food and choose whatever it is that you want to eat on that plate. But when that plate is done, you’re done. That should take the stress away from the after effects of eating and the bingeing that happens when you are uncomfortable and unsure after you eat your meal.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 6. Talk to people in rooms away from food. You don\u2019t have to sit on a couch in front of a giant platter of cheese and crackers and nuts and hors d\u2019\u0153uvres talking to your aunt as it might take away from your conversation. Try to concentrate on conversations with\u00a0 people and really engage, really make connections with people who you’ve not spent time talking to in a while.<\/span><\/p>\n 7. Eat slowly and mindfully. It\u2019s not a race to the end. You can enjoy good food and good conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n 8. Don\u2019t compulsively overexercise in anticipation of \u201ceating extra calories.\u201d\u00a0 It will leave you very tired and hungry, again, unable to empower yourself to hold your intention.<\/span><\/p>\n 9. Take walks or time outs. Let yourself leave the situation and take mini breaks. Let yourself get away from the stress of the food and the stress of family that sometimes exists.\u00a0 If it\u2019s too cold or not realistic for you to leave, take your cell phone into another room and say you need to make an important call and talk to your support person.<\/span><\/p>\n 10. Bring your journal with you so that you can sit and relax and process your feelings during the meal rather than stuff your feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n 11. Bring your ipod or phone with some mediation music or relaxing music that puts you in a calm mood.<\/span><\/p>\n 12. Make a gratitude list before you go. \u00a0Think about what you are truly grateful for during the holiday.<\/span><\/p>\n 13. If there are children there, spend time playing with them. If there are elders there, spend time talking to and getting to know them. Both things that will be enriching and get your mind off of food.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 14. Mediate. Sit quietly in the bathroom for five minutes and take deep slow breaths into your belly. Inhale slowly\u00a0 to the count of five and exhale slowly to the count of five. This will calm your body and allow you to let go of any stress or anxiety that your body is holding on to.<\/span><\/p>\n 15. Remember that if it seems like it might be too hard this year,\u00a0 you don\u2019t have to go. <\/em>It\u2019s true, you might let some people down. But you can always explain to them that it\u2019s important for you to take care of yourself in this way this year. If you don\u2019t think that they\u2019d be amenable to this, or you think that they will accuse you of being self centered or self absorbed, don\u2019t offer any explanation that might leave you vulnerable to being shamed or insulted.<\/span><\/p>\n 16. Create loving boundaries for yourself. Think of your inner child and think about how you would help your child if they wanted to eat all the pie and all the mashed potatoes. You would be kind and understanding but explain to them that you didn\u2019t want them to get a bellyache! So of course they are allowed to eat pie and mashed potatoes, but in moderate\u00a0amounts. A good rule of thumb, keep portion sizes for your Thanksgiving treats to about the size of the palm of your hand. Don’t try to restrict desert because that can be a setup for a binge. Instead, tell yourself that you can sample 2-4 different deserts but only take small slivers, so that you get a couple of\u00a0bites of each. Again, it’s a one plate desert- and stick to a small plate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 17. Probably refrain from taking home leftovers that you feel as though will trigger a binge. That doesn’t mean not to take home leftovers, but ask yourself, will I be safe with this food or not so much? You know yourself best. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 18. Plan for what you will do that evening- feeling full can trigger a binge in many people – so plan to do something relaxing (conversation with good friend, watching a good movie on Netflix, etc.) when you get home that night and be done eating.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 19. Listen to the most recent<\/span> recovery warriors podcast <\/span>where Jessica talks to me about Thanksgiving!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 20. Be kind and gentle with yourself. In most people with BED, being too full triggers a binge. Remind yourself that getting too full on Thanksgiving is what most of America goes through and not to beat yourself up and that it doesn’t have to trigger a binge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n But I’m all alone on Thanksgiving- what should I do?\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Being alone on Thanksgiving is isolating, lonely and challenging. But there are many things that you can do to counter that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 1. Volunteer to serve meals at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen<\/span><\/p>\n 2. Get away- get out of the house and travel and spend the day doing something you love, hiking, or exploring.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 3. Go out and see a movie marathon<\/span><\/p>\n 4. Get online and see if there are any meet-ups<\/a><\/span> for people alone on Thanksgiving<\/span><\/p>\n